After the last few days of housey stuff I completely forgot about my other much much smaller dilema. Namely it is ex's birthday tomorrow.
Now, because he comes to the house regularly to visit mini me and we are still on relatively good terms my dilema is do I need to still buy him a gift/card? This is the first birthday occasion when we are truly and officially no longer a couple. However we were not a couple last year when he bought me an expensive piece of kit for my ipod and a card saying what a great human being I was, although there was a slight blurring of lines in that I still was deeply in love with him and he couldn't make his mind up if he was or if he wasn't (in love with me that is, he very obviously loved himself) And also we will always whether we like it or not, be linked as we have a child, who has no hang ups with Mum and Dad sitting chatting happily at the kitchen table or taking her out somewhere. So is she going to think it's weird, when we still, in her eyes get on fine, that I give him nothing?
Now I know this might seem even a weird thing to be confused over but if we are friends now instead of husband and wife, would you not give your friend a gift? Or is it simply that we are not friends but that even stranger phenomenon namely the civilised stiff upper lip separated couple who talk like strangers on the brink of crossing the line of familiarity (even though I've seen him in all his naked glory and he me)
My own parents split when I was young and my Father wasn't even allowed within 50ft of the house so I can't ask Mum, but I swore I'd never end up bitter and twisted like that and want my daughter to have as normal an upbringing as she can now (whatever normal is). I don't think I'll ever be that ex wife who's now bosom buddies with Mrs New Phoenix but I don't want to be the Harridan either.
Ah Sod it................ he can have a card and be done with it!!
Tuesday 24 April 2007
confusion
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11 comments:
As your niece * I feel totally entitled to twat you over the head *twang*. His gifts, as you know, were guilt gifts bought not long after your separation and were to make up for certain tickets you found and a certain holiday of yours that got cancelled.
Don’t bestow the same on him.
I agree get him a card and that’s it. Else what, 10 years from now you are still giving him birthday presents? Nip it in the bud now.
Incidentally thanks for the birthday reminder. I have given him his present already (during recent visit) but will give him a phone on the day. Just like he did for me, er, not. . .
* she really is my Auntie, its not some sad Blogging familiarity.
thank you fir the twatting on the head niece, much appreciated, sometimes this out loud (ish)thinking till I come to the sensible conclusion can get me bruises *ouch*
I think you were right about him reading your blog and making the last comment he did about always being the one to phone, cos he never even mentioned your birthday to me even though he knew I was going out with you in the Burgh. (not that I'm saying he didn't mean what he did say cos I have no doubt he did just... well you know what I mean)
*And Yes she really is my niece*.
The card is fine especially as you are maybe helping fund your daughter's gift to him?
i'd say a card and a token gift... i think
Looks like you came to a decision all by yourself :) I knew these blogs were useful for something
I think you were right about him reading your blog and making the last comment he did about always being the one to phone, cos he never even mentioned your birthday to me even though he knew I was going out with you in the Burgh. . .
Confused?! I said he read my blog???!!!
yeah you said it was weird the comment he made to you about mothers day and he'll always be the one to call you as it was exactly what it had said on your blog,then he goes and forgets to phone you on your birthday.
The card sounds right to me - friendly but not too much.
I know I'm too late, but i agree. Just get him a card.
Just wanted to pop in and say hi. I didn't realise you were up and running again. Good to have you back!
james- card is all he got and it was simple and to the point without being inappropriate
Petifilou- hello and thanks for the warm welcome back.x
Was it one of those funky cards that when he opens it it goes........*BANG* ??
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