Christianity

It's been a while I know but I thought I'd kick of April with a religious post not just due to Easter but because I have been having a wee debate with a member of my family who is a devout Christian.He is young,doesn't preach,but does believe that those who do not become Christians will not go to Heaven. This is a little of what I've said to him then I promise I shall go back to discussing Corrie or Eastenders and what my love life is like at the moment. He just stirred a bit of something in me that I didn't actually know was there, so bear with me.
Part of me would love to have connection with the church ,deep down i actually do have faith but it has been tainted with a negative vision not of Christianity itself, but of the inherant faults in human nature and the distorted view that some have of the Church and what it means.
My Grandmother was a prime example. She not only was an extremely active member of the church but also of Eastern star,my Grandfather was a Mason,as was my Father.My family as a whole came from all creeds,protestant and catholic, but if any other faith or colour of person was mentioned in front of them it was met with bigotted reaction.
My Grandmother used to visit friends from the church regularly yet on her return would proceed to put down their personal lives,appearances or that of the inside of their homes,despite preaching to us how good a person she was because she went to church.I know from my dealings with the church since being a child (I also attended Girls Brigade up until I was 15) that this is not uncommon.In some ways it's goodness by association.I guess what I'm trying to say that Yes I could attend Church and declare myself Christian but I can get as much faith and understanding as I need simply by following what is written in the bible and my own sense of what life is all about. I feel sorry for people who live empty, shallow lives,with no thought for anyone but themselves and where they are going to get their next bout of excitement from, and I hope that they find what I have one day. I have self respect and respect for others,I have a lot of love in my heart,I have charity, I have forgiveness (although having your heart broken makes this process longer,but I'll get there)I have the unconditional love of being a mother and the life experiences to make me realise what is important.I don't believe that I'll go to hell simply by not being a member of a church, as I believe that all good people will be accepted to wherever we go when our bodies have expired,as long as they have followed the simple rules that the bible set out. Lets face it hypothetically. A child is born on an island in the middle of nowhere,the only person with him is his mother. There is no minister or priest and no Churches but his mother teaches him the common senses of right and wrong,of respect for his surroundings and the animals on the island. She teaches him not to be greedy or their sustainence will run out, she teaches him that in order to survive they must be active,that they must keep their home clean and tidy and free from bugs that could cause disease, she teaches him to be clean to stave off infections,she teaches him that although they sometimes have to kill an animal to survive that it should be done in a humane manner to ease any suffering of that animal,she teaches him that when she gets old and unable to do all she did before that he helps her and becomes a responsible and compassionate human being. Now will that boy be accepted in Heaven?xx

words are not enough

It seems these days I have a lot going on in my life, with less and less time for blogging. This is in some ways a good thing because I have always tended to blog when in some sort of emotional turmoil and felt the need for either help, or just a place to vent uninterrupted. Or sometimes its when I want people to maybe pause and think of however bad their circumstances,they should actually appreciate what they have around them. This week is one of those times.

You see ,this week one of my daughter's school friends died. She was 9 years old.

There was no warning, she left for school in the morning and just before her swimming lesson in the afternoon, she collapsed and never regained consciousness.

There is nothing anyone can say that will help ease the pain of her parents and it is unimaginable to me what they must be going through. The last thing any of us expect is to send our child to school in the morning and for them not to come home.My heart goes out to them and their family, and to the children and teachers of the school.
It has started to sink in with the children that their friend isn't coming back to play and all we can do is be there to help them understand, even though we can barely do that ourselves.

Life is precious and beautiful but can turn in an instant and be viciously cruel and unfair. We never know what's in store for us, and we can plan as best we can but I for one will appreciate everything I have good and bad that bit more and be thankful of that opportunity.

Christmas is coming and.......

I am wanting to get fat!!! please put some curry in this young at heart girls hat!!

Well maybe not in my hat, but on a plate with a naan bread would be perfectly acceptable. For those of you who don't know, for the last couple of years I have not only been going through a particularly traumatic marriage break up but also I was diagnosed with an allergy to salicylate. In laymans terms it's an allergy to the same substance that aspirin is a derivative of but which encompases all the foods that contain this natural insectiside found in most plants,fruits and vegetables.
The main reaction to this allergy is asthma.
The good news is that new research being conducted (of which I am a guinea pig!) has shown that by cutting out foods in the diet containing salicylates and introducing tiny controlled doses of a specific type of aspririn, that gradually you can detox your body and then reintroduce those foods back into the diet. Good news for me is ......... my reintroduction time has come!!
I am allowed.... after several tests at hospital in London on Wednesday....to GRADUALLY try bringing some of those foods back ino my diet.
I know you may not think this is a big deal, but just for a second think of how many things contain derivatives of plants, fruit and veg as well as the obvious fruits and veg you can buy as whole entities.
The things I've missed the most are things like tea (one of the highest on my list of no no's due to the dried tea leaves),curry (herbs and spices are extremely high in salicylate),italian food (tomatoes and herbs)fruit juice,peanut butter (Yes I love it on toast) and the luxury of just being able to eat a piece of the carrot I'm chopping for my daughter's dinner!
The only plus point of this condition is that I've had the figure of an 18year old for the past year but only due to an extremely restrictive boring,bland diet. So, where do I start?
I have to still be cautious,the doctors are still learning about this condition and I cannot risk overloading my system after my dedication of the last 18months, but I can't wait to at long last be able to enjoy my food once more and have a little bit of flavour back in my life (imagine soup without stock) So bring on the cranberry sauce and merry Christmas to you all xx

Blimey

Didn't realise it had been so long since I had been here!! Shit, where does time go?!

Safe to say the past 6weeks has gone by in a blur of holidays, excitement, disappointment for me and feelings of rejection for my daughter, climbing back up yet again and at long last some feelings of contentment creeping back in to my life.
First of all me and BF had a brilliant time in good old Bruxelles with my lovely niece the Drama Queen herself. As is to be expected there were drama's which at the time were not that funny but shortly after were being laughed about. Firstly BF's luggage went missing at Charleroi! We were only in Brussels for 4 full days and he spent 2 of those waiting for his suitcase, which for some reason had went to Italy?? It arrived back the same night we arrived in Brussels, but in the inimitable style of the Capital of beurocracy it was against their policy to have it sent the next day to the apartment. Apparently the courier's required a full 24hours notice of despatch. Never mind, the positive side was that he got £100 to spend on new clothes from the insurance company while we waited.
We wandered happily round the city shops in the meantime, drank too many espresso's, too much Belgian 'bierre brun', spent too much on overpriced chocolate (I dispute it WAS worth it),met up with workfriends of BF, bought a diamond necklace in Antwerp (of which I know I got a total bargain after spending 17years in the trade) I think the trader got a little worried when I asked for a loupe (eyeglass) to examine the stones, got cooked a lovely dinner by my freshly domesticated niece and surprised myself with how much O'level french I remembered.
On the last day drama number 2! We managed to,after packing all our stuff and heading out for lunch, to shut the apartment door behind us before removing the spare key from the inside! Resulting in us being locked out!! After debating on what to do and several panicky calls to nieces BF,it was decided that my Bf would climb up the convenient scaffolding to the second floor window of the apartment and attempt to open the window. No such luck. He scaled it like spiderman, but found the windows securely locked. The only solution we decided,was to break the door. So while niece and BF went off to look for a suitable implement to do the job, I decided to have one last bash at getting in using the tried and tested film technique (I've seen it dozens of times in the movies so it must be true!) of using my credit card to open the door.
I couldn't believe that on my first attempt, in the time it took for niece and BF to go down 1 flight of steps, the door clicked and flew open!!. This, I reckon, only happened because the door wasn't actually locked and I shan't be looking to change careers to a cat burglar.Relief all round though and we had a nice lunch before heading back to reality.
Boy what a reality it was!!
On arriving back home and just 1 week before the house move, with all our belongings packed and furniture we couldn't fit in having been sold,and with mini me changed schools, my purchasers CHANGED THEIR MINDS!!
Un-bloody-believable!! I've said it before and I'll say it again, the house buying policy in this bloody country must change. This is not game playing this is peoples lives, emotions and those of our children that are treated like buying a packet of crisps. We lost the house we were buying and have had to back to square one yet again. I lost money I can ill afford and had to face the thought of spending yet another Christmas in the marital home. I was so looking forward to starting afresh in my own home with my own furniture and creating a whole new set of memories. I spent a few days of tearful conversations with BF, family and friends before pulling myself back up and looking on the positive that at least we still have a home and it never happened a few hours before (which I have heard of). It is tiring though having to constantly pull myself up after being knocked down and my health recently has suffered as a result. I am sticking it out though, the Bastards won't grind me down.
Talking of Bastards, my ex has done a little bit of disappointing on his own and I have a feeling it's the start of things to come. He promised mini me ( and this was his idea on her request) that he would come round on Christmas morning and be there when she opened her presents. Now he is not who I want to spend my Christmas morning with, but it's not about me or him, this is for mini me so I happily agreed it would be nice for her for both of her parents to be with her. Cue a few weeks later.
He calls and says plans have changed and he will now be seeing mini me up until the afternoon of Christmas eve, dropping her off and spending Christmas day with the other woman and her parents. Now I can cope with that but mini me, well she's a child who's been promised the most important day of a child's year,and all she sees is that her Dad has chosen not to spend it with her.
She was devastated and despite me trying to tell him the effect this will have long term, the situation has not changed. She has said she will never ever forget this (and she wont). He then made it even worse. Every Christmas eve since she has been very young,the 2 of them have gone to the cinema together to see a kids movie of her choice. I saw no reason for this to change and indeed thought it would be one nice thing for them to always have. How wrong was I. He turned round and despite the fact that he has her on Christmas eve until the afternoon, he's told her things are different now and they wont be going any more!Talk about rubbing salt in her already very open wounds. This is a tradition in her eyes, and one that has never involved me (I've always been working on Christmas Eve)I'd love to get inside his head and discover his logic.But you know what I'd rather not.
I want to fix this for her but I cant, it's out of my hands and all I can do is be there for her and make this a good Christmas, one where she will realise that despite all that's happened she's loved and not rejected and is the most important person to me and that I shall be the constant in her life. Her father does love her but things have changed and he has changed. He thinks he knows the right way to do things but he is human and makes mistakes, I just hope he realises before it's too late that there are only so many you can make before you cant be forgiven any more.

She came up with her own solution to one aspect. She wants to start a new tradition with me and BF,in that we all go to the cinema together on Christmas Eve seeing as I now only work during term time. I happily agreed as did BF. You know what, maybe this is the start of our new family, new traditions and despite my openness to involving the ex and the opportunities he has to still be a huge part of her life, maybe he has chosen to do the same.