mish mash

On a slight continuation of my last post I have gained 10lbs since last Monday.Thankfully the demon steroids finish today so hopefully my clothes will not be struggling so much by next week. Fortunately for me I am erring on the skinny side so can afford to gain the weight without gaining muffin tops over my jeans,I just feel slightly uncomfortable.Just thought I'd get that out there because it's scared me that pills can have such a drastic effect in such a short space of time!
On another note completely I was clearing out one of my kitchen drawers the other day and hidden at the back was a florists card-you know the ones they send when someone thoughtfully has a bouquet delivered to your door. I opened it. I read it and to my complete horror I sobbed my eyes out.
It said 'Dear 'Phoenix' Love you and miss you,look forward to coming home and seeing you on Valentines day.Lots of love,your husband.xx'
Now those of you who have read my blog know said husband is now ex, and those of you who were around when I was going through emotional hell and had another blog (cathartically deleted now) categorising my every pain know how far I have come and the heartbreak he put me and our daughter through.But here was evidence that he did used to care?-the bouquet wasn't even for Valentines it was because he was away before hand for a week or so and was missing the build up.I have no idea why I cried,I suppose it may be because here was a memory of love lost but also i realised that for all the bouquets and well meaning words of love and affection,his actions betrayed his true feelings and he really did a lot of these things to make himself appear to be the perfect husband which I thought he was.
I am now in the process of selling our home and moving on with my life and am stronger and more focused than I have ever been.I will find many more of these little momentos in the process, but I will not cry any more.These things are from a past I am part of but they will not dictate to me and make me sorrowful, I will use them to make me even stronger and realise that what I am embarking on now is the life I choose and I know now exactly what I want out of it.
I'm not talking careers,homes,material posessions or bouquets of flowers delivered to my door,I'm talking true happiness and honesty and someone who appreciates me for being me and not another posession.
Although it's been a very short time,I have met someone who makes me happy,who treats me with respect and as an equal,who makes me feel like I am the most precious woman on the planet,who is patient as a saint,who listens not dictates,who shares his thoughts,who cares about my welfare,who respects the fact that my child comes before anything and most importantly(as well as the fact he has bright red lips tattoed on his arse) makes me laugh my head off. He does do the flowers but he brings them himself without the fanfare and he only brings the ones he knows I love.This is how I want my life to be. x