The time is now

For the last few days I've had a debate going on in my head (I have two Phoenix's in there and sometimes they get on, but at times like this they need to be regularly pulled apart and reprimanded for scrapping!).
Things are going exceptionally well with New guy, so well in fact that a name change is now necessary to the grand title of BF (he asked if I'd do him the honour of being his GF and I thought about it for all of 3seconds). We spend loads of great time together,we have a weekend booked away next weekend (when I shall be meeting his Mum and his Son!!), we have just booked a trip to Amsterdam which shall be finished off by a weekend in Edinburgh and,without wanting to jinx anything,we have become the best of friends.
So when do I tell ex?
I wanted to keep BF to myself for as long as possible,however a few incidents recently have caused me to reassess. You see at the moment I see him the weekends when ex has mini me and some evenings during the week when she's safely tucked up in bed. But in my head I feel as if I'm sneaking around doing something wrong because of the secrecy. I know I'm not doing anything wrong.I've been on my own for a long time,ex had an affair which he handled in the worst possible way and he broke up the family,so I'm under no cloud of guilt in that respect,but I want to shout from the rooftops how I've found this wonderful person who makes me feel happy and safe.
I also though have to be a responsible parent and be guided by the feelings and emotions of my child.
She, however, is desperate to meet this man who's making her Mum smile again. She turned round the other day and said she was so glad she told me to get a boyfriend as he's made me happy,and if I'm happy then she's happy.She also said she wants to meet him and knows already she likes him because of how he's made me *8 going on 28!*
I don't talk about him every minute of the day to her,but I've gradually brought his name into conversations and she's openly asked questions,of which I answer honestly.She is a very bright child and emotionally balanced.She tells me daily how she is proud to have me as her Mum and I tell her how proud I am of her and how she's handled the last year.
I hate that I have to make this my ex's business but I wouldn't appreciate it if he introduced another woman to her without telling me first,so there's no way I can avoid it.I just didn't plan on it being so soon.
Mini me's birthday is in 4 weeks time and it's after then that I now want to introduce her to BF,but do I tell ex well before then to let him get used to the idea or is the day before adequate? I know what I want to do,but a lot of that has to do with how I feel about BF and not necessarily because it's the sensible thing to do.

mish mash

On a slight continuation of my last post I have gained 10lbs since last Monday.Thankfully the demon steroids finish today so hopefully my clothes will not be struggling so much by next week. Fortunately for me I am erring on the skinny side so can afford to gain the weight without gaining muffin tops over my jeans,I just feel slightly uncomfortable.Just thought I'd get that out there because it's scared me that pills can have such a drastic effect in such a short space of time!
On another note completely I was clearing out one of my kitchen drawers the other day and hidden at the back was a florists card-you know the ones they send when someone thoughtfully has a bouquet delivered to your door. I opened it. I read it and to my complete horror I sobbed my eyes out.
It said 'Dear 'Phoenix' Love you and miss you,look forward to coming home and seeing you on Valentines day.Lots of love,your husband.xx'
Now those of you who have read my blog know said husband is now ex, and those of you who were around when I was going through emotional hell and had another blog (cathartically deleted now) categorising my every pain know how far I have come and the heartbreak he put me and our daughter through.But here was evidence that he did used to care?-the bouquet wasn't even for Valentines it was because he was away before hand for a week or so and was missing the build up.I have no idea why I cried,I suppose it may be because here was a memory of love lost but also i realised that for all the bouquets and well meaning words of love and affection,his actions betrayed his true feelings and he really did a lot of these things to make himself appear to be the perfect husband which I thought he was.
I am now in the process of selling our home and moving on with my life and am stronger and more focused than I have ever been.I will find many more of these little momentos in the process, but I will not cry any more.These things are from a past I am part of but they will not dictate to me and make me sorrowful, I will use them to make me even stronger and realise that what I am embarking on now is the life I choose and I know now exactly what I want out of it.
I'm not talking careers,homes,material posessions or bouquets of flowers delivered to my door,I'm talking true happiness and honesty and someone who appreciates me for being me and not another posession.
Although it's been a very short time,I have met someone who makes me happy,who treats me with respect and as an equal,who makes me feel like I am the most precious woman on the planet,who is patient as a saint,who listens not dictates,who shares his thoughts,who cares about my welfare,who respects the fact that my child comes before anything and most importantly(as well as the fact he has bright red lips tattoed on his arse) makes me laugh my head off. He does do the flowers but he brings them himself without the fanfare and he only brings the ones he knows I love.This is how I want my life to be. x

weekend

Right the weekend has passed,but did New Guy?
Well really the only person who knows for sure is the one and only Drama Queen!! But put it this way,she liked the fact she and lovely boyfriend had the opportunity to talk and be genuinely listened to at the dinner table (ex liked being sole centre of attention and even if he engaged you in conversation,he quickly glazed over if you spoke for longer than 2mins on a subject he hadn't brought up). It was also nice that New Guy and DQ's bf had a lot in common career wise and were quite happy chattering together in the garden whilst me and DQ made ourselves pretty for our night out at the Japanese restaurant.
The restaurant proved to be a definite plus (apart from the fact we never got sat at the tepanyaki table) As it would have been impossible not to laugh at the two grown up couples making the biggest mess you've ever seen bar a chimps tea party. The noodles were served in a soup base,with round chopsticks,and trying to delicately serve them on to the tiny plates was nigh on impossible.Much swearing ensued,which I hope wasn't heard by the children at the table next to ours!We partook of just one jug of Saki. It may have been more if myself and DQ had not had previous experience of the demon drink. Saki has the deviousness and cunning of a wily fox in the drinkworld. It lures you in by thinking such a tiny thimbleful of innocent rice wine can't possibly have an effect,so you have more.You feel nothing while sitting in the comfort of the establishment,but then you step outside into the fresh air and BAM!you lose the use of your legs,your eyes,vocal chords,in fact anything in your body that's meant to help you find your way home deserts you!
So all in all we had a lovely evening,we made a total mess at the table,we headed back to the house,listened to some choice music (my Ipod has some seriously dodgy tunes on it but would whoever put on the christmas album on to my playlist please own up now!),chatted,took photo's and then got on to the subject of body art.
I may do a whole other post this subject but suffice to say DQ and bf were in stitches at New Guys choices of tattoos and I think it was the final confirmation that actually he was an ok bloke,with an obvious sense of humour but more than capable of laughing at himself. For those of you who are interested he has two pairs of bright red lips tattooed to his arse!!(now there's an icebreaker in the bedroom) So I think all in all it went pretty well.
In the morning we all had breakfast together,the boys showed off their domestic skills with the washing and drying of dishes without being asked,DQ and bf got ready to go back to Belgium (with half of my Art collection gratefully stuffed in the back of their car-A wee present from me that I know will be appreciated for their new home wherever that may end up being)Then as they were leaving DQ said the loveliest thing that brought a tear to my eye.She turned to New Guy and thanked him for making her Auntie smile again,and soppy though this may be I'd like to thank her too.
My ex is her uncle,I am an aunt through marriage but we have always been very close.I realise that this was going to be strange to see someone else in the house her aunt and uncle were together in,and to see me with someone else but it never showed.All that showed from her and bf was themselves,relaxed and for that I am truly grateful.So thanks for a great weekend and hopefully there'll be many more to come (though maybe without the food stains on shirts eh!)

blah de blah house on fire

Blimey,
It's a week after our first date and new guy's still here. Not only is he still here but we've been on 3 dates (alot for a first week I reckon) and last night we sat in and watched Pulp Fiction, which he bought for me on the way over because he knew I'd lost mine.There's a lot to be said for behaving like teenagers watching movies on the couch!
All in all thoughtful,funny,generous,kind and an apparently genuine bloke.Long may it last. Next weekend we've arranged to have dinner at a japanese restaurant to help celebrate my niece's boyfriend's graduation* and if he passes that test (my niece is very protective of me in my new found dating life)then I know I've gotten some decent dating material. I must say though it is nice to have someone to talk to late at night when the loneliness used to kick in but now I'm finding myself thinking of our next meeting and feeling a whole lot less sorry for myself.
On another completely random note,can someone please tell me why every half term it pees down with rain every day(today we've had thunder,lightning and hail!)and just as I'm about to cut the grass.The grass is now ankle height thanks to the sun/rain combination,and it shows no sign of abating. Bugger!!
*niece would like everyone to know that this is bf's second graduation,he is in fact nearly 30 and not 21 as may have been interpreted.She is therefore not a cradlesnatcher but she will be testing new guy with all her best interrogational abilities (which are very scary I may add)