knowing

I remember my favourite English teacher always telling me before we wrote a story, that it was often easier if we wrote about what we knew, even if it was a fictional story it would make it more believable. He told us that many authors did alot of research into the subjects they were writing about to make it easier to form a plot and characters that the readers could relate to.
So why is it then that I've been writing (sort of) for the last few weeks on a subject I obviously know nothing about. I never realised that coming out of a relationship (I had one, so obviously I know that bit) and finding myself,at the age of 35, single and thinking of dating again was such a minefield!

First of all there's actually getting out in the first place.Not as easy as it sounds.
When you've just had a very small social circle of married, settled friends and then find yourself not married (not through choice) not settled and a mum, then your list of available friends to go out with becomes scarily small.

Then there's knowing where to go. Places I would have gone when I was in my early twenties are no longer places I would go now and I also don't want to get stuck in the doing a hobby thing-It's just not me.

Then there's finding someone in that place who you think you would get on with and have some fun, who'd also think the same as you.
I tend to have no particular problem talking to or being approached by men when I go out but my problem is how much do I tell them. The first question is usually 'are you single' to which I always now say 'yes' unless I don't particularly want to talk to them.I am still officially married, but seeing as my ex is now happily residing about 90miles away in his little shag pad and left 10months ago I think this is a fairly truthful statement.

Next it's 'what do you do' to which I answer 'I'm a self employed artist', and if I really like them I'll add 'and a part time artists model' both true, but the second one is always a clincher in the conversation stakes!

So after that it's usually talk about what all this involves (no I don't take all my clothes off) and discussion on what they do, what ages we are blah blah blah,then drinks are bought, maybe numbers exchanged. Very very rarely am I asked if I have children, which surprises me given my age,or if I'm divorced, ditto,but I always make a point of telling anyone I'm interested in going out with that I do have a child and for most it seems to make no difference.
So this is all fine.

Then there's after the night out. The promised phonecall. Luckily for me so far this promised phonecall has always arrived (lucky Geordie boy got there just in time as his number was about to be deleted!) and this is where I seem to be going wrong, as in the cold light of day and with clearer heads, the questions are more concise and probing.
Were you married?,How long for?,What did he do?,What did you do?,How old is your child?How often do you get out?, How often does he have access?,Are you a kept woman then?(yes someone did ask me that!)What do you drive??

I answer truthfully to all these questions and I ask as many of my own back,but I can't help thinking that at this stage of the game it's all too much. Why can't we go out in each others company first and get to know the real person inside a little and not just what comes with her. It's almost as if they're thinking ahead and wondering if any of my responsibilities will come down around their heads instead of thinking of them as just that, MY responsibilities.

I'm 35 not 65,and I'm young at heart,I've just come out of a heartbreaking end to what I thought would be my marriage for life,I still want to have fun, I still want to have a drink if I want one,I still want to dance like no one's watching, I still want to laugh till my sides ache,I still want the romantic walks in the country, I still want to sit by an open fire on a frosty winters day and drink steaming mugs of real hot chocolate,I don't want to look like a 35 year old woman trying to pass herself off as 20,but I want all this in my own time.

For now I just want to go out have some fun, maybe meet someone I like and get to know them,it's not a big request. I don't want to be cut down in that first instance because of what my life has in it,because somewhere in there amongst all the things is me.