mish mash

On a slight continuation of my last post I have gained 10lbs since last Monday.Thankfully the demon steroids finish today so hopefully my clothes will not be struggling so much by next week. Fortunately for me I am erring on the skinny side so can afford to gain the weight without gaining muffin tops over my jeans,I just feel slightly uncomfortable.Just thought I'd get that out there because it's scared me that pills can have such a drastic effect in such a short space of time!
On another note completely I was clearing out one of my kitchen drawers the other day and hidden at the back was a florists card-you know the ones they send when someone thoughtfully has a bouquet delivered to your door. I opened it. I read it and to my complete horror I sobbed my eyes out.
It said 'Dear 'Phoenix' Love you and miss you,look forward to coming home and seeing you on Valentines day.Lots of love,your husband.xx'
Now those of you who have read my blog know said husband is now ex, and those of you who were around when I was going through emotional hell and had another blog (cathartically deleted now) categorising my every pain know how far I have come and the heartbreak he put me and our daughter through.But here was evidence that he did used to care?-the bouquet wasn't even for Valentines it was because he was away before hand for a week or so and was missing the build up.I have no idea why I cried,I suppose it may be because here was a memory of love lost but also i realised that for all the bouquets and well meaning words of love and affection,his actions betrayed his true feelings and he really did a lot of these things to make himself appear to be the perfect husband which I thought he was.
I am now in the process of selling our home and moving on with my life and am stronger and more focused than I have ever been.I will find many more of these little momentos in the process, but I will not cry any more.These things are from a past I am part of but they will not dictate to me and make me sorrowful, I will use them to make me even stronger and realise that what I am embarking on now is the life I choose and I know now exactly what I want out of it.
I'm not talking careers,homes,material posessions or bouquets of flowers delivered to my door,I'm talking true happiness and honesty and someone who appreciates me for being me and not another posession.
Although it's been a very short time,I have met someone who makes me happy,who treats me with respect and as an equal,who makes me feel like I am the most precious woman on the planet,who is patient as a saint,who listens not dictates,who shares his thoughts,who cares about my welfare,who respects the fact that my child comes before anything and most importantly(as well as the fact he has bright red lips tattoed on his arse) makes me laugh my head off. He does do the flowers but he brings them himself without the fanfare and he only brings the ones he knows I love.This is how I want my life to be. x

Developments

Remember the cold New guy gave me a couple of weeks ago well it kinda got worse. I now have a glorious chest infection which has aggravated my asthma and am now the proud owner of Antibiotics,steroids and anti-asthma tablets. Bleurgh!! I thought I was getting better but then woke up on Monday morning after spending most of the night coughing, feeling like I'd been hit by a train. For those of you who don't have it (and it is a fairly recent thing for me due to a later in life food allergy) asthma just totally wears you out. If you don't have a wheeze then it's a constant dry cough which worsens during the night,your lung capacity is severely curtailed and due to the lack of oxygen you just feel constantly tired.
So I made the required appointment to see the emergency nurse,who then referred me to the emergency doctor,who then prescribed me a cocktail of drugs to clear up my rubbish chest infection.
I trot (well a very slow trot)down to the chemist and pick up all my concoctions then head home to start the game of 'see how much you can rattle when you walk'.I read the labels and start my course of 'make me better you sods' and i make the mistake of deciding to read the information leaflets. Now any of you about to take anything to cure an ailment I warn you DO NOT READ THAT LEAFLET.
Here are some of the side effects listed (bear in mind I have aspirin sensitive asthma,related to salicylate in food,but have to take small doses of Aspirin daily to desensitise me)
:Do Not take these tablets if you
Have ever had an allergic reaction to these tablets or any of the ingredients in the tablets.Ponceau4R and sunset yellow are azo dyes which can cause allergic reactions including asthma.These reactions are more common in people allergic to Aspirin.Therefore check with your doctor if you are taking any of the following:
*Blah de blah large lists of drugs* INCLUDING- aspirin and salicylates!
Allergic symptoms include:puffy face,swollen tongue,swollen body,severe shortness of breath,swelling,shock and collapse.If you develop any of these symptoms stop taking the medicine and contact your doctor immediately *(I'm assuming you can manage to do this before you go into shock and collapse on the floor,although no time limits are given,how inconsiderate!)
Other symptoms include,muscle cramps,weakness,nausea,pain in back,hips,ribs,arms,shoulders or legs *(would have been easier writing your whole body will ache like f**k!)unusual bruising,acne,rapid weight gain,pancreatitis, oh and tell your doctor immediately if you get very severe abdominal pains...........and the list goes on
I'm sorry but am I missing something here?? I WANT TO GET BETTER
next time I get anything from the doc,that leaflet's staying firmly inside the box.

weekend

Right the weekend has passed,but did New Guy?
Well really the only person who knows for sure is the one and only Drama Queen!! But put it this way,she liked the fact she and lovely boyfriend had the opportunity to talk and be genuinely listened to at the dinner table (ex liked being sole centre of attention and even if he engaged you in conversation,he quickly glazed over if you spoke for longer than 2mins on a subject he hadn't brought up). It was also nice that New Guy and DQ's bf had a lot in common career wise and were quite happy chattering together in the garden whilst me and DQ made ourselves pretty for our night out at the Japanese restaurant.
The restaurant proved to be a definite plus (apart from the fact we never got sat at the tepanyaki table) As it would have been impossible not to laugh at the two grown up couples making the biggest mess you've ever seen bar a chimps tea party. The noodles were served in a soup base,with round chopsticks,and trying to delicately serve them on to the tiny plates was nigh on impossible.Much swearing ensued,which I hope wasn't heard by the children at the table next to ours!We partook of just one jug of Saki. It may have been more if myself and DQ had not had previous experience of the demon drink. Saki has the deviousness and cunning of a wily fox in the drinkworld. It lures you in by thinking such a tiny thimbleful of innocent rice wine can't possibly have an effect,so you have more.You feel nothing while sitting in the comfort of the establishment,but then you step outside into the fresh air and BAM!you lose the use of your legs,your eyes,vocal chords,in fact anything in your body that's meant to help you find your way home deserts you!
So all in all we had a lovely evening,we made a total mess at the table,we headed back to the house,listened to some choice music (my Ipod has some seriously dodgy tunes on it but would whoever put on the christmas album on to my playlist please own up now!),chatted,took photo's and then got on to the subject of body art.
I may do a whole other post this subject but suffice to say DQ and bf were in stitches at New Guys choices of tattoos and I think it was the final confirmation that actually he was an ok bloke,with an obvious sense of humour but more than capable of laughing at himself. For those of you who are interested he has two pairs of bright red lips tattooed to his arse!!(now there's an icebreaker in the bedroom) So I think all in all it went pretty well.
In the morning we all had breakfast together,the boys showed off their domestic skills with the washing and drying of dishes without being asked,DQ and bf got ready to go back to Belgium (with half of my Art collection gratefully stuffed in the back of their car-A wee present from me that I know will be appreciated for their new home wherever that may end up being)Then as they were leaving DQ said the loveliest thing that brought a tear to my eye.She turned to New Guy and thanked him for making her Auntie smile again,and soppy though this may be I'd like to thank her too.
My ex is her uncle,I am an aunt through marriage but we have always been very close.I realise that this was going to be strange to see someone else in the house her aunt and uncle were together in,and to see me with someone else but it never showed.All that showed from her and bf was themselves,relaxed and for that I am truly grateful.So thanks for a great weekend and hopefully there'll be many more to come (though maybe without the food stains on shirts eh!)

Coughs and sneezes spread diseases

Behaving like a teenager is all well and very good at my age,but this morning I woke up after a lovely evening with New guy feeling like I had literaly been hit by a truck!
My bones ache, my throat is like sandpaper,my eyes are smarting and I am very very hot!!
I would love it if the reason was total over exuberance in the bedroom,but seeing as he was round at mine with mini me asleep and unaware of my evening visitor I'm afraid that's a no no. (I have some morals you know) The reason is, after a particularly long snogging session on the couch,he's given me his bloody cold!
Before he left last night he mentioned he had a bit of a cough but thought it was just a tickly throat as he never ever catches colds. I thought thank god for that because I catch colds like you wouldn't believe and when I get them they really floor me.
I have a very low immune system due to a food allergy which leaves me with a restricted diet.This in turn denies me of a lot of nutrients I need to fend off everyday ailments. It will improve in time as my allergy is being de-sensitised at the moment by some very nice Professor in London.So I will gradually be able to reintroduce all the fruit and veg I so miss.
However for the time being,I feel like crap,I am the palest person in paleville and it even hurts to type this.That'll teach me for thinking I'm 20years younger.
So next time he comes anywhere near me with the slightest sniffle kissing is strictly off the menu!