On a slight continuation of my last post I have gained 10lbs since last Monday.Thankfully the demon steroids finish today so hopefully my clothes will not be struggling so much by next week. Fortunately for me I am erring on the skinny side so can afford to gain the weight without gaining muffin tops over my jeans,I just feel slightly uncomfortable.Just thought I'd get that out there because it's scared me that pills can have such a drastic effect in such a short space of time!
On another note completely I was clearing out one of my kitchen drawers the other day and hidden at the back was a florists card-you know the ones they send when someone thoughtfully has a bouquet delivered to your door. I opened it. I read it and to my complete horror I sobbed my eyes out.
It said 'Dear 'Phoenix' Love you and miss you,look forward to coming home and seeing you on Valentines day.Lots of love,your husband.xx'
Now those of you who have read my blog know said husband is now ex, and those of you who were around when I was going through emotional hell and had another blog (cathartically deleted now) categorising my every pain know how far I have come and the heartbreak he put me and our daughter through.But here was evidence that he did used to care?-the bouquet wasn't even for Valentines it was because he was away before hand for a week or so and was missing the build up.I have no idea why I cried,I suppose it may be because here was a memory of love lost but also i realised that for all the bouquets and well meaning words of love and affection,his actions betrayed his true feelings and he really did a lot of these things to make himself appear to be the perfect husband which I thought he was.
I am now in the process of selling our home and moving on with my life and am stronger and more focused than I have ever been.I will find many more of these little momentos in the process, but I will not cry any more.These things are from a past I am part of but they will not dictate to me and make me sorrowful, I will use them to make me even stronger and realise that what I am embarking on now is the life I choose and I know now exactly what I want out of it.
I'm not talking careers,homes,material posessions or bouquets of flowers delivered to my door,I'm talking true happiness and honesty and someone who appreciates me for being me and not another posession.
Although it's been a very short time,I have met someone who makes me happy,who treats me with respect and as an equal,who makes me feel like I am the most precious woman on the planet,who is patient as a saint,who listens not dictates,who shares his thoughts,who cares about my welfare,who respects the fact that my child comes before anything and most importantly(as well as the fact he has bright red lips tattoed on his arse) makes me laugh my head off. He does do the flowers but he brings them himself without the fanfare and he only brings the ones he knows I love.This is how I want my life to be. x
Monday 18 June 2007
mish mash
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23 comments:
Now you're making me weep. I'm so glad you are happy now. Keep an eye on DQ. XX.
dont worry John I am doing just that.Dropped her a wee line earlier and I will get on the train if need be.x
Can you e-mail me her e-mail address? I'll try and cheer her up xx.
Sweetie. You are absolutely right to pick the man over the flowers. And crying is entirely normal - love lost, hopes lost and so on.
May your prince charming turn up.
he already has;-)and tonight he brought me flowers he chose by himself without fanfare and they were indeed my favourites.x
You go, Phoenix! "I'm not talking careers,homes,material posessions or bouquets of flowers delivered to my door,I'm talking true happiness and honesty and someone who appreciates me for being me and not another posession." There's real rising from the ashes.
As to the crying, heck, it's been five years for me and things can still get me. So cry. Better than not crying just to make a point.
That's just my opinion anyway. Good luck with Mr. Red Lips.
Elaine- I no doubt will at some point but it wont be for losing ex as he may well have done me the biggest favour of my life,and he doesn't even know it.I'll have no burden of guilt that he will have,I truly will be free as a bird.x
You forgot to mention that as well as giving you wings new guy also gives you the cold. Oh wait are we focusing on the positive here? Hmmm, Ex can't even get close enough to do the same.
Scotsman- Positive positive heehee and my immune system's so rubbish I could catch a cold from a furnace so he's well and truly forgiven for it. And as for Ex,nowhere near:-)
And aren't you supposed to be being nice to me?;-)
Have I done wrong again? I told you it was hard work.
hard work reaps rewards and it gets easier the more you practise lol
haha fatty!!
(and I have to tell everyone that I can say that because she is my Aunt and weighs the same as a 10 year old after all the trauma and could do an extra 10 pounds).
*ducks* (because I know she can still hit me for saying so).
I may weigh the same as a 10year old but thanks to 12mile daily cycling I have nicely developed muscle tone heehee
*phoenix takes aim at DQ's backside as she's running off,with a skillful right kick* ;-)
Was just kidding. Love ya.
XX
I sometimes wonder how these little fragments of one's past manage to get snap frozen in a moment. They force you to ponder when... and how... it all changed.
They're not all bad though. You can get pleasant surprises too. :)
Yeah like when you go into a jacket pocket you've not worn for a while and find a tenner! Result :-)
I think general boy meant you get good surprises in that you realise how far you've come Phoenix. . .
DOOOOH!!
LOL obviously my jokes get lost too;-)
That was a great post, and I'm so elated to know you're happy again :)
Shit - when I go into my pockets all I find is a half smoked spliff
*result*
Think I'd like that better,the tenner would just get spent on useless stuff like groceries,least I'd get some enjoyment out of a spliff even if it is only half of one;-)
Share it with you honey. Oh, and the spliff too ;-)
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