Sunday 8 July 2007

tantrums and tiaras

After having a long spell of my life as a married person you'd reckon on the fact that I'd had a fair few disagreements with my husband in that time. Truth be told though that we never did. Even when we split up (save for the day the plane tickets for him and his bit on the side plopped through my door by mistake)we have stayed reasonably amicable and argument free. I have in the past though had inkling of things bubbling away under the surface of both me and him that were, rightly or wrongly,ignored for a peaceful existence.
This weekend however BF and I went away for a weekend of fun and also to introduce me to some of his family, and promptly had our first argument! I shant go into what it was about as it is irrelevant but insecurities on both our halves may well have come into play, as well as a more than generous helping of alcohol. The thing is though after we'd both calmed each of our viewpoints were put across, we listened to each other, we looked at how we came across to each other, we understood and we learned a little more about who we are. We were both completely honest with how we felt and I, for one,learned that just because we fall out about something it is not the death knell of a relationship,far from it. In fact I do believe that unless we honestly iron out any issues we have with each other then those little creases may well become whopping great holes.
Our disagreement was small but not insignificant to him or me.For a change, I didn't just agree with what was said (as in previous relationships), I stood up for and was honest about myself.He did the same and we now know a little more about what makes each other tick and what makes us ticked off, which can only be a good thing.

Now the whole point of this weekend was to meet BF's Mum and son! I wasn't too nervous about meeting his Mum as I've never had a problem chatting to anyone in my own age group and above. Teenagers though are a completely different kettle 'o' fish and especially teenage boys!
His Mum, as I thought was easy to get along with and pretty close to how I imagined her to be. She was chatty,amiable and had a very friendly face.She's also promised to show me lots of embarassing photo's so instantly has earned my respect.
His son was also exactly as I thought, a boy of few words (my little brother is not long out of this stage but still has some of the traits) But also I can tell he will do well.He was intelligent and seemed to know what he wants out of life in some respects (we cant possibly know enough at the tender age of 16 after all, no matter how much we think we do)He wants to go to University and carry on his love of business studies, and at his age wanting to carry on learning can only be a good thing. He wants to get a job over the summer so is not work shy. Talking easily will be a thing that will come to him and me as we get to know each other a bit more,of that I have no doubt, but all in all I think I did ok and apparently he said I was nice when I left him and his Dad alone for a bit, so I guess in teenage speak I passed.
I for one though am glad that bit is over with as I'd forgotten just how nerve wracking the initial meeting can be, even at my age when I'm supposed to be all grown up and self assured.Maybe someone would like to tell that to my resident butterflies, which I'd thought had flown the Phoenix nest a long time ago.

16 comments:

Drama Queen said...

Auch its all nerves that caused the argument and BF should have been a bit more in tune with how you would have been feeling.

*wags finger*

That said I fully believe that a couples ability to handle tension proves how strong they are (especially given that with P you would just back down and even on the relationship's dying day he had all the power).

If anything its good that you could argue and know that its not all over. . .in the early days these things can make or break.

Anyway, damit get back to having the honeymoon days. . .its too early for all the other stuff.

ps email ME more of the details ;-)

Unknown said...

Well done, Phoenix, everyone has their little spats now and then. If you get through them, then the bond usually becomes stronger.

Ps, E-MAIL me the details? What are you like, DQ??

Drama Queen said...

but with her I always know there is so much more than on the blog. . .and vice versa, I know!

phoenix said...

was nothing to do with the tension of meeting people is all i'll say on it.was nothing drastic just a new experience for me and i have to say i do feel our relationship got just that little bit stronger because of it. was definitely nota negative experience x

phoenix said...

nota is obviously a new word that you should all take on board. oops

Drama Queen said...

I will *SO* not tell you what BF thinks you argued about. . .

phoenix said...

Heehee nice bit of reverse psychology! and yes if you tell me what he said I will confirm if he's right or not. But hey missing the point here I met his Mum and son this weekend which was a bigger deal than the argument,i just thought I'd include it cos it was a bit of a milestone too.

phoenix said...

oh and the honeymoon stage was never off x

Melissa said...

So pleased to hear meeting his family (and the argument, however brief and whatever it was about) went well!

Drama Queen said...

DOH! Thats what I meant when I said tell me the details. . .I couldn't really care less about the argument. . .

And I am serious, B made suggestions but I would *never* tell you them anyway. *blushes*

Drama Queen said...

ps I so know he would be wrong, because its filthy. . .catch ya.

londongirl said...

Meeting BF's son would be guaranteed to cause butterflies I should think!!!!

And really glad you're being so positive about lessons learnt from the argument. I think you've got the right attitude.

Eddy said...

All sounding positive Phoenix. I'm glad its working out so well.

phoenix said...

DQ- hee hee I'd like to here those suggestions!
Melissa-Thanks nerve wracking but good
London Girl- positive attitude is definitely the way I reckon and understanding too of course.I want to have a partnership now and not a one sided relationship so airing of views is a necessary part.
James-very positive and very happy:-)

Elaine Greywalker said...

I'm totally impressed by the way you overcame an obstacle in a way that strengthened the relationship and improved communications. Wow!

phoenix said...

Thanks Elaine. If there's something I've learned over the last year or so it's that communication and honesty is the key to a healthy relationship.We both set our stall out from the outset that we would always be upfront with each other and say what was on our minds. thankfully it appears to be paying off.