Blimey

Didn't realise it had been so long since I had been here!! Shit, where does time go?!

Safe to say the past 6weeks has gone by in a blur of holidays, excitement, disappointment for me and feelings of rejection for my daughter, climbing back up yet again and at long last some feelings of contentment creeping back in to my life.
First of all me and BF had a brilliant time in good old Bruxelles with my lovely niece the Drama Queen herself. As is to be expected there were drama's which at the time were not that funny but shortly after were being laughed about. Firstly BF's luggage went missing at Charleroi! We were only in Brussels for 4 full days and he spent 2 of those waiting for his suitcase, which for some reason had went to Italy?? It arrived back the same night we arrived in Brussels, but in the inimitable style of the Capital of beurocracy it was against their policy to have it sent the next day to the apartment. Apparently the courier's required a full 24hours notice of despatch. Never mind, the positive side was that he got £100 to spend on new clothes from the insurance company while we waited.
We wandered happily round the city shops in the meantime, drank too many espresso's, too much Belgian 'bierre brun', spent too much on overpriced chocolate (I dispute it WAS worth it),met up with workfriends of BF, bought a diamond necklace in Antwerp (of which I know I got a total bargain after spending 17years in the trade) I think the trader got a little worried when I asked for a loupe (eyeglass) to examine the stones, got cooked a lovely dinner by my freshly domesticated niece and surprised myself with how much O'level french I remembered.
On the last day drama number 2! We managed to,after packing all our stuff and heading out for lunch, to shut the apartment door behind us before removing the spare key from the inside! Resulting in us being locked out!! After debating on what to do and several panicky calls to nieces BF,it was decided that my Bf would climb up the convenient scaffolding to the second floor window of the apartment and attempt to open the window. No such luck. He scaled it like spiderman, but found the windows securely locked. The only solution we decided,was to break the door. So while niece and BF went off to look for a suitable implement to do the job, I decided to have one last bash at getting in using the tried and tested film technique (I've seen it dozens of times in the movies so it must be true!) of using my credit card to open the door.
I couldn't believe that on my first attempt, in the time it took for niece and BF to go down 1 flight of steps, the door clicked and flew open!!. This, I reckon, only happened because the door wasn't actually locked and I shan't be looking to change careers to a cat burglar.Relief all round though and we had a nice lunch before heading back to reality.
Boy what a reality it was!!
On arriving back home and just 1 week before the house move, with all our belongings packed and furniture we couldn't fit in having been sold,and with mini me changed schools, my purchasers CHANGED THEIR MINDS!!
Un-bloody-believable!! I've said it before and I'll say it again, the house buying policy in this bloody country must change. This is not game playing this is peoples lives, emotions and those of our children that are treated like buying a packet of crisps. We lost the house we were buying and have had to back to square one yet again. I lost money I can ill afford and had to face the thought of spending yet another Christmas in the marital home. I was so looking forward to starting afresh in my own home with my own furniture and creating a whole new set of memories. I spent a few days of tearful conversations with BF, family and friends before pulling myself back up and looking on the positive that at least we still have a home and it never happened a few hours before (which I have heard of). It is tiring though having to constantly pull myself up after being knocked down and my health recently has suffered as a result. I am sticking it out though, the Bastards won't grind me down.
Talking of Bastards, my ex has done a little bit of disappointing on his own and I have a feeling it's the start of things to come. He promised mini me ( and this was his idea on her request) that he would come round on Christmas morning and be there when she opened her presents. Now he is not who I want to spend my Christmas morning with, but it's not about me or him, this is for mini me so I happily agreed it would be nice for her for both of her parents to be with her. Cue a few weeks later.
He calls and says plans have changed and he will now be seeing mini me up until the afternoon of Christmas eve, dropping her off and spending Christmas day with the other woman and her parents. Now I can cope with that but mini me, well she's a child who's been promised the most important day of a child's year,and all she sees is that her Dad has chosen not to spend it with her.
She was devastated and despite me trying to tell him the effect this will have long term, the situation has not changed. She has said she will never ever forget this (and she wont). He then made it even worse. Every Christmas eve since she has been very young,the 2 of them have gone to the cinema together to see a kids movie of her choice. I saw no reason for this to change and indeed thought it would be one nice thing for them to always have. How wrong was I. He turned round and despite the fact that he has her on Christmas eve until the afternoon, he's told her things are different now and they wont be going any more!Talk about rubbing salt in her already very open wounds. This is a tradition in her eyes, and one that has never involved me (I've always been working on Christmas Eve)I'd love to get inside his head and discover his logic.But you know what I'd rather not.
I want to fix this for her but I cant, it's out of my hands and all I can do is be there for her and make this a good Christmas, one where she will realise that despite all that's happened she's loved and not rejected and is the most important person to me and that I shall be the constant in her life. Her father does love her but things have changed and he has changed. He thinks he knows the right way to do things but he is human and makes mistakes, I just hope he realises before it's too late that there are only so many you can make before you cant be forgiven any more.

She came up with her own solution to one aspect. She wants to start a new tradition with me and BF,in that we all go to the cinema together on Christmas Eve seeing as I now only work during term time. I happily agreed as did BF. You know what, maybe this is the start of our new family, new traditions and despite my openness to involving the ex and the opportunities he has to still be a huge part of her life, maybe he has chosen to do the same.