Sunday 1 February 2009

A week in the life....

Monday:

My Dad called me with the opening line of 'Now I don't want you to worry but...'.

It turns out that during an operation for something unrelated, the surgeon had done a routine scrape of his prostate and had found cancerous cells. Apparently this in itself is not too serious if caught in the early stages (most men as they get older tend to get cancerous prostate cells), but my Grandfather and his Father before him, both died of prostate cancer. The hospital have therefore decided to give Dad a course of radiotherapy and touch wood he will be fine before we know it. He's had an MRI scan and his results will be ready in a week, so we'll know more then.
I'm so glad my Dad was ill in the first place or they'd never have found it, and I thank the surgeon for doing his job so well.

Tuesday:

I receive a text from a friend. His wife recently gave birth to twins and very sadly one of them died shortly after birth, the funeral is arranged for Friday and I cant imagine what they are going through right now. On one hand they have the surviving twin to care for and be joyful for and on the other they have to grieve the loss of their other child. I am struggling to put into words what I feel about this situation and how best to give words of comfort to them.
Life can be so shit, it gives with one hand and indiscriminately takes with the other.

Wednesday:

I receive a letter from my lawyer. I'm going through a divorce right now. It's been almost 3 years since my husband left and I still struggle to cope with this situation sometimes. It seems my whole 10years of marriage is now compounded into a few pages of legal jargon and court stamps. A marriage that lasted years can be ended in seconds in some court, with a complete stranger rubber stamping a bit of paper.
It seems that there were several discrepancies with his financial disclosures and my lawyer has now applied to the court to stop the divorce until the finances are sorted. This is only because she's asked his lawyer several times to confirm that the decree absolut will not be applied for until the finances were sorted, but her requests have fallen on deaf ears. This could be the start of a messy situation I didn't want in the first place and I dont know if I have the stomach for it.

Thursday:

I reply to my lawyer and give her permission to send all the papers she needs to get things sorted. Despite my lack of stomach I have to protect mine and my daughter's futures. My ex is a high earner, I gave up my career to bring up our child and have nowhere near his earning potential, no pension (he'd promised his company and private pensions would cover both of us so therefore I didn't need one), when the house is sold I'll need capital to secure a small mortgage (he's just bought a £465,000 house with his girlfriend so it's safe to say his housing needs are met)
I call my Dad, he's doing ok, says he feels fine and then tells me he had his radiotherapy today. He didn't tell us all because he didn't want us to worry. I think that's our perrogative though so I worry anyway but I don't tell him that.
I try and prepare myself for the funeral tomorrow.

Friday:

I finish work early and head to the Church. as it gets closer to 1'o clock it becomes apparent that there's something not right. The church is still closed and there is a handful of us waiting outside. None of us though want to call and check. Then we get a text. The mother of the twins had been rushed into hospital with a complication from the birth. Thankfully she was going to be ok but the funeral is postponed. You couldn't imagine this could get any worse for them, they've had so much to deal with and are now going to have to go throught the trauma of rearranging the funeral so they can finally put their little girl to rest.

This has been a week of personal emotion and that of others. It's weeks like this that make you wonder why shit things happen to good people but it's also a week to be thankful for those you have around you, that love you and support you. It's a week that makes you thankful for the things your parents have given you; their unconditional love, their knowledge and experience, and their sometimes unwanted advice, and it's a week to tell them so and never stop telling them. It's a week that makes you thankful that your children are here to love, to argue with you, to hug you, to frustrate you, to show you their wisdom beyond their years.
It's a week to be there for someone who needs you even if they dont ask you to.